Befriending a growth mindset

Hello, my fellow friend,

I have something important to tell you

Start living the life you deserve. Seize the opportunities around you. There are so many of them, it makes me anxious seeing people with potential just walking around and not using it. I want you to start seeing the potential around and within you. Discover the skills you thought you never had, unlock your talents, risk. Genuinely feel happy about the person you are and the life you get to create.

There are tons of people who are going to tell you what, how and when to do things, in which you have zero interest. You are going to hear loads of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ in the progress of becoming someone you’ve always wanted to be. It is absolutely up to you, which suggestions to follow and how to live (your life). It’s Your life, after all.

I once heard an incredibly wise, and at the same time very simple advice:

„ You are going to be the only person to spend every single day with yourself. Create your life the way you want. Friends, colleagues, peers will leave. Only you will remain in the life you create“.

So guys, let me give you some tips. The tips which worked for me. Hopefully, they are going to be a good kick your asses to get up and start doing things, start engaging with people and activities. After all, it‘s not about getting to your dream life as fast as possible. It‘s about getting there.

„It‘s not about getting there as fast as possible. It‘s about getting there.“

Have less „Shoulds“ and „Shouldn‘ts“

I am talking from my own perspective, as a twenty-year adult, who was thrown into adulthood with no clear instructions, but with loads of „do‘s“ and „don‘ts“, „Shoulds“ and „Shouldn‘ts“ around me. You should graduate from the school with the highest grades in order to get into the best university. You should study hard, work hard, practice your talents, try new activities, make new connections, learn foreign languages, travel when possible, maybe volunteer at times, see the latest plays, and attend various workshops. But you know what, folks? This mission seems a bit impossible to me. There is simply not enough time and energy to accomplish this. Moreover, what‘s wrong if I want to focus on several important things I am interested in, rather than following the perfect life vision brought by society and media?…

The media is evil. Social media have a huge influence on millennials and the decisions they make. Tell me honestly, how many of you have been in a similar situation — you’re browsing your Instagram feed and see that person A is doing voluntary work in Sri Lanka, person B is successfully freelancing while travelling in South America; you spot that person C has published an article in the daily newspaper and find out that person D is a well-known peer for his\her early achievements. You see plenty of success stories and beautiful lives these people create. And you get anxious. Maybe a bit sad or angry at yourself. Where are your achievements? Where are your blog articles on „how to travel the world, save whales in Bali and start your first business before you are 20“?

I will tell you honestly — this lifestyle is not for everyone. And it‘s absolutely okay. It‘s okay not to do those huge impressive things and instead of enjoying your first years of independence while having fun with your friends in your small hometown.

Social media plays a role, particularly for millennials like me, who are called the ‘want-it-all generation’. It puts this heavy pressure on us of never-ending opportunities in life. Social media make you feel like you’ve failed if you haven’t travelled, volunteered and juggled a portfolio career. And you, obviously, being well-educated and aware of those facilities, fall into this spider web of living an unsatisfied life, chasing the experiences you don‘t want, to impress the people you don‘t care about.

How can I change it?

Luckily, there is a solution! As long as you keep your rationale, realise that everyone’s story and life is different, that not gaining some skills or experiences your friend A or B had will not make you less of a person. We must (my apologies for using this strong word but I find it an essential lesson of my life) realise that we can only compare ourselves to the person we were yesterday. Not other people. Because just this type of comparison will allow us to see our progress, it will show you the things you still have to work on in order to achieve the goals you desire. Not the things your mom asks for, not the things influencers request, but the experiences, goals you have set for yourself, knowing your abilities and needs, desires and dreams.

„Only compare yourself to a person you were yesterday“

When you find out that you don‘t have to follow someone else’s career/lifestyle/relationship path, you will set yourself free, I promise. You will feel so much freedom and relief by not having to fit into someone else’s shoes. It is going to be a memorable moment, which should inspire you to move forward. Just in a way you want, dear.

A great author J. D. Salinger once shared his thought:

“I think that one of these days… you’re going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you’ve got to start going there. But immediately. You can’t afford to lose a minute. Not you. “

So what’s next?

Choose what you want to do and then set your mind on getting there. It might require lots of energy, time and hard work. But if you truly believe in yourself and the goals you have, you will work for it. Lastly, folks say that if you find the job you love doing, it will never feel like work. That is what I wish for each of us.

And more importantly, don’t get afraid if some years later your goals change. Or months. Life isn’t a multiple-choice test, you can choose whatever you want. And hear this — how lucky you are that you have a choice in the first place. Getting back to the topic, I expect you to change your mind. As we grow older, we gain experience and learn new things. It would be odd if we’d stick to the same dreams we had when we were 6. I guess I would be a princess living in a pink castle married to my dad (because who didn’t dream about marrying your dad, girls) if I followed the desires I had years ago. Furthermore, I want you to stop feeling the need to figure out what you want or will do with your life. A constant desire of knowing things, such as your career or hobbies, negatively affects humanity. Instead of going and discovering endless opportunities out there, we stick to the thoughts formed somewhere inside the brain, not willing to try something different, just because you decided something else. Guess what, life does not work this way! It’s okay to not know. And spot how much freedom you gain just by simply declaring that everything is fine with you even if you don’t know what you want to do in your life. That it’s okay if you still haven’t figured it out, because the progress is pretty alluring too, isn’t it?

I advise you to put yourself in various shoes through life and experience something different than you would usually do. It is so much easier to find out what works for you by actually trying things, rather than thinking and deciding in your head. It will save you time, I promise.

The thing which helped me discover different sides of me and developed skills, I never thought I had, was volunteering. I have tried volunteering in several fields, I met people with different outlooks from my own, and put myself into situations I wasn’t that comfortable in. I genuinely believed that coming out of my comfort zone will lead to discovering my skills, talents and hobbies faster. And guess what? It did! I came across the tasks I do not like to do and wouldn’t like to focus on in the future. I also met inspiring people with their own success and hard work stories, which inspired me to do and to engage in activities I have never heard of before. At this point in my life, I feel like I am stagnating a bit once again, staying in my comfort zone, only communicating with people I know and performing tasks which I have already learnt how to perform. So it’s time to go for it once again and remember that constant learning will keep me alive. I suppose many of us know the joy of discovering and gaining knowledge. That is what I want to seek now.

Truly Yours