RESET YOUR MINDSET: what impact do daily thoughts have on your personality
Since childhood, our heads are pumped with various stereotypes and general „rules“ how the world works. I bet you have heard examples such as:
· Being different from others is bad
· Investment is a risky business
· To have an awarding career you must graduate from university/ college
· Governments are corrupt
· Women are worse drivers than men
· Breaking the rules will not bring you anything good
Such stories are told by society based on fear. Since the Stone age, and even before that, humanity formed a strong instinct to protect themselves. That is why we will find ourselves involved in risky activities less often, avoid fights and ensure a safe environment around us. Such as a friendly neighbourhood, positive work environment, and a roof above our heads. The primitive instinct is so strong that we usually don‘t even realise its effect on everyday life.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
Marcus Aurelius
Besides general „stories“, we have internal monologues (with ourselves)every single day. Raise your hand if you have ever caught yourself declaring one of the following:
· I’m not pretty
· I’m not good at learning foreign languages
· I’m modest
· I’m afraid of public speaking
· I’m an underachiever
· I’m worthless
· I lack creativity
Conversations like these are fixed in your brain so deeply, that it would be awkward to deny them.
-I am not good at learning foreign languages!
-But have you tried learning one?
-I don‘t have to. I once tried when I was younger and I sucked.
The thing is — you are the only person to determine who you are. The conversations you have inside form your personality. Then why don‘t you choose what to believe in?
When I was in secondary school, I was struggling with maths. A lot. Every time I had maths, I was almost fainting and losing control, I was panicking before even seeing the tasks because that’s how much I believed in what was stuck in my head — I will stumble with the calculations. And no matter what mistakes I was making, teachers and parents always tried to comfort me saying that maths is not for everyone, and you are better at other things… Since those early days, I genuinely believed that I suck at maths. When suddenly, my final/high school exams were approaching and there was no more time for me to continue freaking out. I had to pull myself together.
And that’s what I did: first of all, I changed my perception and instead of honestly believing that Maths is not for me, I emptied my mind from fixed stories and simply attempted to figure out that pretty science of numbers.
If you guys are expecting a nice ending of me becoming a genius in maths, that’s not going to happen, my apologies.
However, with daily extra hours of studying, long sleepless nights trying to find that damn x in equations, I finally did it. I wasn’t afraid of numbers anymore and went to my final exam confident.
My result was 81 out of 100.
For a person who had to use her fingers to answer the question of what’s the sum of 5 and 7 is, it is a pretty high number. I felt proud.
. . .
There are plenty of paradigms (dict. a distinct set of concepts) in society. People love labelling each other and themselves. It simplifies things. Because instead of trying to change something about yourself, you can easily put a label why you are good/bad at a specific thing and ignore any efforts.
Do you want to know what successful people do differently?
They form a growth mindset instead of a fixed one. Growth mindset is willing to ignore the harmful conversation in your head and will say “maybe I did struggle with thing A and B in the past, but I will do my best to work on it now”. Whilst the fixed mindset ignores possibilities one might have and declares “I am who I am. I cannot change. Life is unfair and I have to deal with”. Doesn‘t sound too promising, does it?
The second act seems to be easier, as it is in our blood. Escaping your own “labels“ about yourself will require time, effort and a daily reminder: „I am worthy. I can do things. I will try my best to succeed today“.
I bet that once you think more precisely, you will see that your actions deny the thoughts that „I am lazy“, „I suck at…“ and etc. Because once we declare a story we believe in, we tend to ignore anything happening around that goes against it. Let‘s say, I score low in literature 8 times out of 10, but that one time I will get an A and I will ignore it saying „It‘s just simple luck. It must have been a mistake with the marking“. Because that‘s how much I believe that literature is not my thing.
That‘s how aware one must become of his or her own thoughts. Doubt the things which were brought to you by society. Change the things you declare to yourself. It won‘t be always pleasant and comfortable, but I promise that it will eventually change the paradigms you see life.
I encourage you and myself to switch what we believe in. And maybe pretty soon you are going to score in your personal life. Just like I scored in Maths.
Truly Yours
References: Sussex Publishers, LCC (2019). Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset. Psychology Today. Available at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meditation-modern-life/201709/growth-mindset-vs-fixed-mindset.